The house is rather quiet with the exception of papers and boxes being taped. Is it selfish for me to want to turn back the clock. I have already offered to write a check to the US government to keep my Ensign home. But that would not be letting her live her life. The air is knocked out of me. This is worse then "I" day four years ago. I feel my heart being torn from my chest. I have not felt this heartache since I dropped Charlotte Mae off for four year old kindergarten at Advent years ago.
Tomorrow Beth starts on her life journey. She and John are heading to Norfolk with a detour to Amherst, Virginia to visit Aunt Dorothy before her deployment. My heart is screaming let me come with you. My conscience says cut the cord (for about the nth time). I am very proud of both girls. I do not know if I desire to ward off all the evil that will pass their way or share in the thrill of the adventure. I must admit that it is a combination of the two.
The tears started after church today. They are not the tears of a mom who has dropped a teenager at the academy for plebe summer. These tears will not stop. You know the type. These tears are the ones that make your vision blurry and drip down your face as soon as you can wipe them away. I know I am not being fair to anyone by acting this way, but it is not about me. I hope these tears are a symbol of the pride I have for my girls. Both have done well and are a joy to their parents. I think the tears are for the next to final declaration that she does not need me in the same way she did a year ago. I do not have a problem with that really. This is another right of passage that must be achieved. Both of us need to continue and hold each other in our hearts. Take care of yourself Beth, I love you and Charlotte more then I can say. Wear clean underwear and make sure your belly button is clean.
Love to all the USNA class of 2010. Fair winds and following seas.
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